things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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