worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
