You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
