Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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