According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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