so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize