Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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