I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
