K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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