I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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