yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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