Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
