The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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