last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
