I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
