Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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