So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
