If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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