Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
