They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
