My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do herpes really smell.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
