once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
