i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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