Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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