can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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