Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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