member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Im part way to drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
