Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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