ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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