Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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