I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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