see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
