That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
