there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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