he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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