just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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