I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
