I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize