I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
