I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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