So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Randomize
