I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
