Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
