I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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