wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He felt like a one man threesome
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
