Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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