my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
