At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
