i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
