Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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