Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
