dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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