so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
