Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
