She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
