I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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