i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
