So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Come on in and take your pants off
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