I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
