I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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