i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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