You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
