I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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