Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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