It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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