I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
