just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
